#7 - Poop with silver linings

September 1st, 2017 our first daughter was born: Ziva Janoah. All was well and Ziva appeared to be a healthy little girl, that grew very well. I was feeling better pretty quickly and life continued with the four of us. Ramon wasn't really enjoying his job because he was mostly doing administrative tasks, instead of working with his clients. This was a problem he had at his previous job too, but we hoped it was just something he had to get used to. So every working day, Ramon went to work with a healthy dose of reluctance and came back with his energy levels below zero.

Somewhere around October, we got in touch with one of Ramon's cousins. We talked a lot with him and he came over to our house multiple times. The boy was really looking for the meaning of life, had looked everywhere but couldn't seem to find any rest. During one of the nights he was at our place, he gave his life to Jesus. After that, he found the rest that he had missed for so long and started to enjoy life again. The contact remained and we could help him, guide him in his new faith and answer his questions. It was intense but very beautiful and even though we gave him a lot, he gave us back almost as much. Especially to Ramon, for whom the conversations were giving him the energy he lost at his job. Then in December, something very terrible happened, which eventually led to the death of Ramon's cousin. The event left us with mixed feelings: we would miss him and hated the fact he died while being so young. At the same time we were thankful we could help him find Jesus 'in time' and he was now at a place where he would have eternal peace.

The death of his cousin was especially tough for Ramon. He didn't have the energy to mourn his death or to go to work and lose more energy.

Where first he came home exhausted, now he sometimes came home crying. He was there, but not really there. I was worried about him and tried to discuss my worries with him, but we couldn't come to a real solution. Until one day Ramon called me and said: 'I've been sitting and staring for over 2 hours and I can't put myself to doing anything. I feel paralyzed.' That's when I put my foot down and told him to call his team leader to call in sick and come home. Ramon went to the doctor, who sent him to the psychologist. Luckily we were in time, but Ramon was overstretched and on the verge of a burn-out. Not by working too hard/much, but by doing the wrong job.

In the meantime, things weren't going smooth with Ziva. Somewhere around December she started to cry more and more and became restless. My mom recognized the behavior from when I was little: stretching out, cry-screaming and not sleeping at night. We tried everything: different formula, special bottles, PT, but everything we tried worked for a short time or not at all. Our physician decided it was colic, and that no further steps needed to be taken. March 2018 Ziva was crying the entire day, and we both got about 2 hours of sleep per night. The rest of the time we were walking with her or driving the car to make her fall asleep. We didn't know what to do anymore and started to get desperate. Our baby was in pain, and we needed our physician to send us to the hospital, but he refused. We decided to circumvent the system and wait until it was after office hours for our physician. After that time we were able to call the emergency room. We told our story about 5 times, and plead our case and they told us we could come over. Once we got there they admitted Ziva to the hospital under the colic-protocol. Not because they didn't believe us, but because that obligated us to go home to catch up on some sleep.

The next day a pediatrician came to check up on Ziva. She thought the story was a bit suspicious, so she ordered an x-ray of her belly. The results came in that afternoon. Usually, on an x-ray, the intestines are white, with little darker places where the fecal material is. Not in Ziva's case: both her large and small intestines were completely dark in the picture: she was completely constipated. Ziva needed to go through an intense laxatives treatment, to be able to find what was causing all of this. Ziva ended up staying in the hospital for four days and we went home with a bunch of medication. Later examinations determined Ziva's large intestine is way too large for her age. The consequences of that are easy to control and all we now 'just' have to wait until Ziva gets bigger.

By the time Ziva got home from the hospital, my battery hit 'empty' too. In less then a year I gave birth, had someone close to us die and had an overstretched husband which led to me being a social worker both at work and at home. Besides that my baby-daughter was in constant pain, without us knowing what was going on, but with the severe sleep deprivation that came with it. On top of all that it was very busy at work because we were understaffed. There was no place for me to charge or rest and my body told me very clearly it was time to calm down. After a good talk with my superior, I decided to take a couple of weeks off, recharge and then go back to work when everything calmed down again.

In those weeks off Ramon and I went away for a couple of days. Just being together, to reset and get our ducks in a row. When we were in our hotel I asked Ramon if he was feeling up to go back to work yet. The answer was a very clear 'no'. Then I asked him the question: If money was no issue, what would you do? After a little talking, we came to videography: capture people's story and portrait on video. Here, Ramon could combine his love for people with his creativity. Right there and then Ramon. Videography came to life. We decided that Ramon would recover a little bit more and then would go back to work, while having his videography on the side. That way we still had enough finances for our bills and he was able to recharge his battery with working on videos. With our hopes and chins up we went back home. It was time for a better and less difficult time.

But apparently, the poop wasn't finished yet.